He’s having trouble sleeping and experiences that oh-so-familiar loop of dreams. Sevigny’s poor forlorn husband Wes is still at the hotel. But Sevigny makes about as convincing a mother as Ted Cruz does as Cinderella’s fairy godmother. The show is establishing Sevigny as an earnest, heart-broken mother figure, so perhaps it’s trying to bolster her credibility in that field. It’s an ill-fitting scene with no easily discerned purpose. Maybe this would make a good PSA, but it sounds horribly preachy in a TV show about vampire countesses. Sevigny preaches at the mom about how horrible it is not to vaccinate her kid and how there’s no cure for measles and blah blah blah. I thought that she would be the wife character with a “job” but it turns out that she actually IS employed! Feminism! She’s a home-visit doctor treating a boy with a disease that his mom thinks is pneumonia, but Chloe Sevigny informs her that it is actually measles. It’s ART!Īnd then, for no reason at all, we go to where Chloe Sevigny is. What was the point of this scene? Nothing except to show Lady Gaga between a maze of lamp posts. She heads to that stupid Urban Light exhibit that I swear I’ve seen in all the rom-coms lately. So Gaga heads out by herself, dressed as per usual like a luxurious countess vacationing away from her Romanian torture castle. Unless…this is another veiled reference to Seven? I’m on to you, Murphy. ![]() Contractually Shirtless Bomer would not be watching Kevin Spacey. These blatantly modern references are really rubbing me the wrong way. ![]() Gaga wants to go out and hunt for some prey, but Bomer just wants to stay in and watch House of Cards. Meanwhile, Lady Gaga and Contractually Shirtless Bomer are bickering in their vampire loft. It seems suspicious to me that nobody has yet connected the Hotel with multiple disappearances, but maybe Lady Gaga is bribing the LAPD with expensive modern art sculptures or night gowns or something. And the media says there’s no good roles for women these days! There are a few other bodies rotting away in the body dungeon. Our lovely Swedish girl has become literally disposable. That’s why this episode is called Chutes and Ladders, guys! HAHAHAHAH STOP IT! You’re not funny, Murphy. The elegant Cleopatra finds another ingenious way of getting rid of dead bodies: dumping them down laundry chutes. Apparently, Lady Gaga didn’t learn the only rule of vampires: no vampire children. Wow, 2 people dead and we’re only 5 minutes into the 2nd episode. The children remark that the Swedish girl tastes nasty and Kathy Bates tells them that’s because she’s dead. The other Swedish girl is still in her neon cage, but now she’s being sucked on by tiny platinum haired vampire children, including Wes Bentley’s missing son/ disturbing Catcher in the Rye reference Holden. AHS is so subtle sometimes that I can’t even understand their metaphors. ![]() Presumably the point of Max Greenfield’s character was to introduce us to the Addiction Demon, who violently kills…addicts? Just guessing here, guys. And that’s the end of Max Greenfield I assume. She kisses him and sews up him snug in his little mattress coffin. “Let’s hide him in a mattress! Nobody will smell him there!” Luckily, Max Greenfield wakes up and gasps “You lied to meeee!” but Sarah Paulson cares not a whit. The episode opens with Sarah Paulson (Sally, still not from The Nightmare Before Christmas) sewing Max Greenfield into a mattress, once again showing that AHS has no idea how to get rid of dead bodies. Let’s check back in with a bunch of boring characters staying in a nasty hotel. Yet here I am, 8 days after the episode has aired, and I’m READY to write about it. I planned on writing a review of AHS: Hotel every week, but then school slapped me in the face and said: “NO!” so that will probably not happen. Don’t you have more important things to do like bully Raven-Symone? For chrissakes, HuffPost, it’s a Halloween costume. ![]() You go, girls! Don’t let PC thoughtcrime police tell you that you’re de-legitimizing female employment. Hello, all! This post brought to you by all those girls who dress up as Sexy Nurses for Halloween.
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